Words Matter: Unlocking High Performance Through Conscious Language
Optimizing habitual actions can improve overall performance and get us closer to reaching our goals. With a quarter of our waking time spent talking to ourselves (really, it’s true) and quite a bit talking to other people, tweaking our word choices is a perfect place to start leveling up our performance, and improving our communication.
“Yes, but...” What a dreaded phrase! Doesn’t it make you shrink, and perhaps cringe, no matter what precedes or follows it? The villain comes in the form of the word “but,” which discounts everything that goes before it. And, we all say it all of the time.
One of my mentors brought my attention to a simple shift from “but” to “and”—one that has life-changing potential. I challenge you to try it for a week: pay attention to every time you say “yes, but…” and rephrase immediately to “yes, and…”
Wonder Words
In the book Words Can Change Your Brain, Andrew Newberg, M.D. and Mark Robert Waldman write that “a single word has the power to influence the expression of genes that regulate physical and emotional stress.”
Optimistic words stimulate the frontal lobe activity, where specific language centers connect directly to the motor cortex responsible for moving you into action. There’s a motivation hack.
Angry words, on the other hand, hit the alarms and turn off all reasoning.
As the authors say: “…the longer you concentrate on positive words, the more you begin to affect other areas of the brain. Functions in the parietal lobe start to change, which changes your perception of yourself and the people you interact with…. Over time the structure of your thalamus will also change in response to your conscious words, thoughts, and feelings, and we believe that the thalamic changes affect the way in which you perceive reality.”
A Ripple Experiment
So, clearly, the words we choose have a ripple effect on both ourselves and those around us. After replacing “but” with “and,” try:
Transforming “I hope” to “I believe” or “I know”
Changing “I can’t” to “I can when…” or “I choose not to”
Eliminating the world “always,” which is disempowering, leaving no room to show up differently
Reformulating “should” to “choose to” and “shouldn’t have” to “I learned this or that…”
The Force of Words
Yoda famously said, “Do or do not. There is no try.” Words such as “try” and “want” are steeped in lack of commitment. Your brain likes consistency and will do what ever it takes to be consistent with what you say and think.
If I say “I want to eat less chocolate,” I already am consistent. I already want it. I don’t need to do anything about it—least of all, eat less chocolate. However, if I say “I eat less chocolate” or “I’m the kind of person who only eats one square of chocolate,” then my brain is going to do everything in its power to make sure I do. It’s an identity thing.
You could also just own that chocolate is life. But that’s another story. 😜
Choice over Compulsion
Both “I need to…” and “I should…” are word choices that strip us of agency, rendering us powerless in the face of whatever greater force is imposing upon us. Instead, try using “I choose to.”
Choose or choose not. There is no should.
The “I” Rule
Just the other day I met someone who used the oh-so-common extrapolating “you….” meaning “everyone,” when in fact she spoke of her own experience. I felt my skin shrink a size and had to take a deep breath before responding. I’m fairly certain that I’m not the only person who doesn’t like to be told how she feels or thinks and to react to this kind of gross generalization.
Using “I” allows us to take responsibility for our own experience, feelings, thoughts and perspective. It’s quite powerful.
Compare “You make me angry,” and “I feel angry when…” In the first, all the power belongs to the other person, which in the second, it’s all mine. I could even choose to feel something else. My, oh my.
These are but a few examples of how conscious word choices impact how we interact and perform on a daily basis. Awareness is a first step. Then experiment to see just how impactful conscious choice can be.
Best Advice I Ever Received
Listen more, speak less.
Don’t justify or explain. It drains energy. We don’t need others to understand and approve of us.
“A word is dead
When it is said,
Some say.
I say it just
Begins to live
That day.”