The Surprising Power of Appreciation: How to Stop Taking Things for Granted

We've all been there—getting used to the good things in life and taking them for granted. It's a common human experience. But what if I told you that taking a moment to appreciate could transform your life?

Let me take you back to one of those moments that will stick with me for a lifetime. After several hours on horseback and a night in a tent overcoming altitude sickness, my husband and I sat on the edge of a cliff overlooking the continental divide in southern Colorado. The view was spectacular—but that's not what I remember most. What stands out is the promise we made to each other: to never take anything for granted. Twenty years later, we still thank each other for the little things, like doing the dishes, and the big things, like being there no matter what.

Call it intuition. At the time we didn't know about the research, which is crystal clear: Couples who regularly express gratitude towards each other tend to have stronger, more resilient relationships.

Why Do We Take Things for Granted?

Appreciating the little things takes commitment and a lot of conscious practice. You see, human beings are wired to adapt to positive changes, a phenomenon known as hedonic adaptation. We quickly get used to the good things in life, and they lose their luster.

This is why we often overlook the very things that once brought us joy. We filter it out, in a quest for something new and shiny. Add to that our innate negativity bias, which makes us focus more on negative experiences, and it's no wonder we struggle to appreciate the good in our lives.

Let's not knock hedonic adaptation entirely. It's a bit of a superpower, because similarly, we get used to the not-so-good stuff and think it's best for us—thankfully so not to live in a series of regrets. And, let's be real, our ability to forget, filter things out and move on is fundamental to survival.

That said, how can we stop taking things for granted? If we don't actively cultivate appreciation, we risk missing out on the richness and beauty of life. And if we do cultivate it, well, read below about the science to find out the benefits.

Breaking the Taking-For-Granted Cycle

The shift to appreciation starts with awareness—that's the whole reason I write these posts. The more we understand how we function, the more we can make conscious choices. With awareness, we can pay attention. Studies indicate that when people pay more attention to their daily experiences, they are more likely to appreciate them. This can be as simple as savoring a meal or taking a moment to enjoy a beautiful view. (Learn more about savoring here.)

I personally remind myself regularly about not taking things for granted. I have post-it notes and notifications to help me remember. When the dinner is not exactly cooked the way I would have cook it, I kick myself to remember how happy I am somebody else made it. Full stop. And when I talk to people, I have this ongoing inner dialogue reminding me how truly extraordinary each encounter is—what are the chances in the big picture of the universe? When I think like that, I appreciate others more.

The Science behind Appreciation

Robert Emmons offers a simple yet powerful practice in his book Gratitude Works! He suggests writing down aspects of your life that you are prone to take for granted. Instead of taking them "for granted," take them "as granted." Use the language of gifts to shift your mindset.

Let's be clear, this is not fluffy woo-woo stuff: research using fMRI scans has found that practicing gratitude can activate brain regions associated with reward, morality, and interpersonal bonding. Appreciation and gratitude have been linked to the release of neurotransmitters such as dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin, which are associated with feelings of pleasure, happiness, and social bonding.

Research shows that by cultivating appreciation, we can:

  • Increase happiness and well-being

  • Strengthen relationships and build stronger bonds

  • Improve physical health and reduce stress

  • Gain a new perspective on life and find contentment in the present moment

And leaders, read this: appreciation is a powerful tool that goes beyond the individual. Studies suggest that feeling appreciated can boost prosocial behavior. When people feel valued and appreciated, they are more likely to help others, volunteer, and engage in acts of kindness. Appreciation in the workplace, both from supervisors and colleagues, can lead to increased job satisfaction, motivation, and productivity. Feeling valued and appreciated can improve employee morale, reduce turnover, and create a more positive work environment.

Making Appreciation a Habit

I start off every coaching session asking, "What successes or progress would you like to share?" It frequently seems so hard for my clients to answer. As if they never stop long enough to appreciate. And at the end of the coaching journey, many thank me for installing this habit.

So what do you do if gratitude journaling is not your thing? I get it. There are other ways. One of my clients, a busy executive, started a spreadsheet. At the end of every day, he recorded positive events in green and negative ones in red. Much to his surprise, once he got used to paying attention to the good, there was much more green than red. This simple practice improved his mood, productivity, and relationships.

A number of other practices can help make appreciation a habit:

  • Practice mindfulness. Be present in the moment, savor experiences, tune into your surroundings using all the senses, and bring conscious awareness to routines and experiences.

  • Cultivate gratitude. Write down what you're thankful for each day. Express it to others. Read about other gratitude practices here.

  • Recognize and appreciate support from friends and family. This enhances social bonds and provides a buffer against stress and adversity.

  • Embrace impermanence. Recognize that nothing lasts, every moment is fleeting and never to be repeated exactly. Recognize that good health, relationships, and life itself are temporary and can change. Appreciate feeling "normal" when you can.

  • Appreciate small joys. Find contentment in simple pleasures and relish small beautiful moments that you might otherwise overlook. Participate in events, join clubs, and spend time with friends.

  • Gain perspective. Remember that many don't have what you do, and your current struggles are just a moment in time. Focus on the now, rather than time-traveling to the past or future.

  • Focus on what you have. When we focus on what we have, rather than what we lack, we are more likely to feel appreciation for the positive aspects of our lives.

  • Engage in acts of kindness. By focusing on helping others, individuals can shift their attention away from themselves and cultivate a sense of gratitude for what they have.

  • Express appreciation to others. This creates a positive feedback loop, where appreciation fosters a more positive and supportive social environment.

The Takeaway about Appreciation

At the end of life, people often regret not appreciating the simple things: time with loved ones, their own happiness, and the kindness they received. Don't let that be you.

At the end of your life, looking back on all the experiences and relationships you've had, what will you regret not appreciating more? Will it be the time spent with loved ones, the simple pleasures of a beautiful day, or the opportunities you had to make a difference?

Appreciation is a skill that can be cultivated. By making it a daily habit—however it makes sense to you—you can shift your focus from what you lack to what you have, leading to greater sense of happiness and success—and fewer regrets.

So, what are you grateful for today?

Taking Action towards More Appreciation

Anne TragerPotentializing Your Mind